i've been struck in the last two years how christmas has taken on a different level of meaning and significance. certainly, there is a greater responsibility and even a greater joy that has come with sharing all things christmas with my firstborn. even now, as my second child absorbs all the excitement and takes in all the sights and sounds of his first christmas, there's a renewed sense of wonder at the bigness of it all. we've started family traditions, some that honor our family heritage and others that create a sense of something that is "ours". this year our oldest is finally old enough to start hearing and appreciating the story of christmas, so we have taken advantage of the opportunity to relay the history of our "faith family" using nightly advent readings to trace the story of god's faithfulness to his people in sending jesus to earth. it is a blessing to be able to watch a child as he hears the story of jesus for the first time. deeper and richer than anything i've known.
and yet, there's something else that has struck me, this year in particular. a character in the story that i have never really given much consideration to has become someone i feel so deeply connected to. mary. the mother of jesus. young and scared, yet chosen by god to carry the biggest and most significant gift this world has ever known or will ever again know. until recently, she was really only a character in the nativity on my mantle. her presence is noted several times through the life of jesus. his birth, his childhood days at the temple, in his early ministry days at the wedding at cana, and then of course at his death on the cross. but she was always to me just an extra in the cast of more important players.
but something about motherhood has changed me. forever changed me. and in particular it has changed the way i wonder at the miracle of christmas. i heard a song about five years ago that puts words to this wonder. at the time it had little meaning to me, being that i was still 3 years away from motherhood myself. the song, 'here with us' is sung by joy williams (yes, of 'the civil wars' fame--). in her song, she marvels at the mystery and the majesty of christ--god become man. the same tiny hands on that christ babe were the ones that helped shaped the universe. his same infant eyes had seen the beginning of time. his sweet little ears had heard the songs of angels! but the part that gets me every single time is the last line in verse two. "...but still mary had to rock her her savior to sleep." her savior! fast forward five years and i now have two sweet little ones. my nights are disrupted often by the cries of one or the other. small hands reach out for me to hold them. tiny eyes and ears and everything is new. i hold my sweet babes and i just marvel that 2000 years ago mary held her sweet babe. she fed him and cared for him and loved him. but her baby was her savior. and my savior! my mind explodes at the thought of it. the humanity of christ feels so much more tangible and yet his divinity seems so much bigger too. on one hand it's like christmas takes on more of the physical. i know the anxious hope of pregnancy. i know the pains of childbirth. i know the joy of holding the child you've longed for and carried for so long. and yet, there's something so much bigger in all that mary experienced. her child: the son of god, savior of the world. "and mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart." (luke 2:19) a new mother. a sweet little infant. the host of heaven rejoicing.
what a treasure. what a wonder.
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