sleep

up until recently, if you had asked me about the most challenging part of parenting/motherhood, i would have told you--without hesitation--that it was eating. we had some real challenges with our first, simon. he couldn't do dairy or soy proteins from 3-12 mos., which meant neither could i. and for someone who is already gluten-free, this didn't leave much enjoyment for eating. And since that time, he has continued to be picky and has the appetite of a bird. i have persisted and have tried to meet the challenge with patience, and he is starting to outgrow this trait. and, thankfully, the lord blessed us with a second child that is an eager eater and puts weight on without a struggle. he may be sharing clothes with his brother this summer.

but, in spite of all that, there is something that has proven to be far more challenging: toddler sleep issues. i'm the kinda girl who really enjoys her sleep. i need it. i can stay up late with the best of them, but i really hate seeing anything before 7am. it's still dark, people. we should all be asleep. and until recently, there was no problem with that system. i was blessed with two children who really very rarely woke before 7:15. deal. i can do 7:15, no problem. but then, over the last few months, our toddler has started exhibiting some really annoying troublesome bedtime habits. we transitioned him to a toddler bed back in april, when he was 25 months old. and he did awesome right away. no falling out of bed. no crib envy when baby brother showed up 2 months later. he would simply wake from naps or in the morning and quietly play until we went in to let him out. then, suddenly, he started letting himself out in the night. so we put a knob cover on his door knob. then we would occasionally wake to violent banging on the door in the night. let me tell you, i have never come so close to a heart attack as i did that first night. but that behavior seemed to be decreasing in frequency and we felt confident he was a great sleeper and our problems were solved. about two weeks before christmas he started putting up a bigger fight at bedtime. lots of tossing and turning and delay tactics. we blamed it on potty training. and the dark. he got a night light. then we traveled at christmas. we all slept in the same room for 4 nights. our assumption was having us close by in an unfamiliar place would help him sleep. and it did. but it also ruined him for our return home. since we got home (two weeks now, people!), he has been putting up major fights at bedtime. crying, screaming, lots of requests. and his night waking has been horrible too. hours of interrupted sleep for us all. after weeks of trying to decide whether we were dealing with a discipline issue, a developmental issue, or some sort of fear, we've settled on the fact that we're dealing with some major separation anxiety. the toddler mind is a mysterious place. with all the wonder and excitement they feel and can express so clearly, there's also so much they can't articulate. and trying to identify his fears and help him has been so, so, so, defeating. there's nothing more trying that 20 minute bedtime routines that turn into 2-3 hour episodes, followed by 2 hour meetings in the middle of the night. and continuing to hear the panicked cry within minutes of trying to console him is heartbreaking. we have tried so many different approaches, asked advice from so many friends. and while part of me has settled on the fact that we are probably just in a stage that he has to overcome, i can't help but want to throw up my hands in surrender and just give up. we pray fervently that the lord would deliver us and him from this fear. we continue to trust that god is teaching us something valuable and that this won't last forever. we know that it won't last forever. but like each stage (even the tough eater stage), when you're climbing the mountain you can't see the incredible views. but once you get through the clouds to the top and begin to descend the other side, you have the kind of perspective you couldn't imagine on the ascent. the view is incredible. and you appreciate it so much more having struggled so much on the way up.

the lord was gracious in providing this passage in my daily reading last night. "for the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." hebrews 12:11. as a parent, this verse takes on new meaning. the act of discipline is hard for both the child and the parent. but there's a promise tucked in this verse. discipline yields fruit. it doesn't say that it might yield fruit or that there's a chance it could pay off, but it says that discipline yields fruit. we know that the lord disciplines those he loves. and we are training (disciplining) our children, even in teaching them good sleep habits. we correct bad habits, console where it is needed, and encourage like crazy the good stuff they do. and even though it's hard at times and the outlook is bleak, we can be comforted in knowing there will be fruit if we continue to discipline our children well. so in the midst of this struggle, there is hope.